How YOU have the power to drive change

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Topic #6   How YOU have the power to drive change within your relationships.

I hear a lot about a common problem while working with people in therapy over the years. Whether they are wives, husbands, or partners, most have a very similar complaint, “He/she just doesn’t listen to what I have to say…” Feeling unheard is, in my professional opinion, one of the most frustrating aspects of a relationship, especially if this occurs routinely. You might feel anger towards your partner and withdraw because you feel hurt, lonely, and confused.  Some may even question why they are with him/her in the first place, but don’t want to leave because, “I love them.” Or you may just deal with it because, “this is just how it will always be.” You may begin to feel hopeless and helpless, having tried to communicate, argue, and even plead your case for change with no avail. What makes change inside of a relationship even harder is when one person blames the other for the miscommunication and failures. When one person does not want to see their part in creating a dysfunctional dynamic, you have half of a working whole.

If this sounds like you or someone you know, please understand that all is not lost. There is a lot that one person inside of a relationship can do to alter an unhealthy dynamic. One thing that I focus on with my clients are the things within their control, and to encourage them to let go of trying so hard to change the other person. In order for change to happen, you need to do something different. Changing yourself will ultimately force the other person to change. It’s only natural. We don’t know whether the change will be better or worse, but it will change.  People and the relationships they are in, need to flex over time. If you want to talk further about the specifics of your situation and how to rebuild your relationship, please don’t hesitate to let me know.

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